I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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