I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
