I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
