He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
