I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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