I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
