every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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