I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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