i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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