she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's not a walk of shame if you run
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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