With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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