There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
