I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
