I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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