it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
