There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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