There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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