suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
