In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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