'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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