this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize