So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
