dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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