I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
