On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
