If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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