i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
