Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
