Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize