Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
