you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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