I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
