Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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