...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
