Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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