grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
