Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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