just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
