you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
