i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
