just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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