New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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