Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
