I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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