fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
