he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
