dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
