where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
