I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i would one night stand the shit outta him
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize