He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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