I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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