someone get that fucking seahorse.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh god it's open bar.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
