The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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