beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize