New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
