Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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