There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
