I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
