Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
