You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it hurts more in the daytime
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
