Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
