i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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