Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize