Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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