Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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