tonight lets celebrate not being married
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
