i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
