Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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