It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
