Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
