Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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