still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize