Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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