Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i came on her dog
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
