We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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