Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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