She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
