I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
