He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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