My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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