Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
