They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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