went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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