he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
