I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
