and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
