He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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