Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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