I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
