Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
