Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
