when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
