threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
