Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
