she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize