It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
