is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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