So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
