The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
