Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
