I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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