called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
