Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize