so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
