hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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