I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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